It is a fact that we come into the world with nothing and leave it just the same. Yet, we hear popular phrases like 'he who dies with the most toys wins' all the time. In today's society, we are fashioned into the belief that "things" are what give us value and stature- who has the biggest HD TV, the best clothes, the coolest car, etc. But, at the end of the "day", those things will be distributed among your family and friends or just thrown away.
Have you ever given something away? I don't mean that pair of jeans with the rips in them either. When you go through your "things" it is often easier to give something that is "still good" or has "some life left" to someone you know who can use it. Then you feel better about the parting. But have you ever given away your favorite thing? What about that pair of jeans that has been worn enough to feel soft? Maybe your car? In the movie, "Pay It Forward" people do just that, give away a car to a complete stranger. It really is an amazing feeling to give away your Best thing to someone knowing the good it will do them. Sure, it will be difficult at first but after a few times you may find yourself trying to find people to give your Best Things to. I just know this ... has done great for me, he/she will love it.
In time, when practicing giving you best away, you may find that you are really de-cluttering your life and feeling good about it. Maybe your 'collections' will not be about building you up anymore, but rather helping others too. I can't say that I am an expert on this, but I certainly have tried to act this way and not gotten caught up in what society thinks my value is. Just like with anything else, the value is based on how much someone else wants it. People don't want me for my collections. Valuable people have charachter and you can't build character from big-screen TV's.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Being True to Yourself
My motto is say what you mean and mean what you say. Probably the number one most annoying quality that people have today is self-talk not lining up with what comes out of their mouths actually, or their actions.
For instance, answer this question honestly:
When you have more things going on in your busy calendar than you have room for you-
a. get tense, irritable, and try to do everything, devoting a minimal amount of time to each thing, and give nothing your complete attention.
b.calm yourself down by allocating responsibilities to others and give yourself some relaxation time.
Tell me, how many of you looked at answer a and identified with it but wished you were more like b.?
Here's another-
You feel a hunger pang, but you are working at losing weight-
a.You eat something fattening and feel lousy
b.You drink some water then reward yourself for resisting and pat yourself on the back
Again, do you realize how many people I come across everyday that are thinking like b but act like a?
There is a great new book out by Dr.Wayne Dyer (favorite author by the way) called Pulling Your Own Strings. Okay, not a new book, it was originally published back in 1977, but you would marvel at how relevant it still is.
I am sure this will end up being a never-ending blog point for me since it bugs me so much all the time and I see it everywhere everyday.... but for now, my 2 cents.
I was taught, not by my parents necessarily, but nonetheless taught that a man is measured not by his means, money, appearance or the like, but rather by his word. Christians understand this best because they hold Jesus to his word. The words in the Bible for instance.
A man can have all the money, the fame, be the most attractive and more. However, if he is a shady liar, that is what he will be known for.
You don't get to have great friends or family in life without being someone whose word means something, for that is where character is born.
I, for one, would rather have someone honestly tell me they don't like my potato salad at a party, than to eat it in silent disgust with a sourpuss face and bad attitude. They, while forcing themselves to eat what they don't like will give off such a negative presence to me and everyone around that I will get the feeling that I don't want them around anyway. It may take that person months or years to come clean and tell me that all along it was the potato salad that kept us apart! Ugh.
Life can be so easy and importantly stress-free for the most part, if more people would just accept one another and show their true-selves. It is far easier to deal with the truth up-front when it happens, than years later when feelings get in the way.
In the above matter of a and b in those questions I asked, after some time you will find that the people who think like b but act like a, well, they are miserable. They spend too much energy trying to find excuses for why they can't be honest about what they are thinking or feeling that they drain the life out of themselves and lose the point to being here all together. If half the energy was spent being true to themselves, imagine how much happier we all could be.
Until next time,
For instance, answer this question honestly:
When you have more things going on in your busy calendar than you have room for you-
a. get tense, irritable, and try to do everything, devoting a minimal amount of time to each thing, and give nothing your complete attention.
b.calm yourself down by allocating responsibilities to others and give yourself some relaxation time.
Tell me, how many of you looked at answer a and identified with it but wished you were more like b.?
Here's another-
You feel a hunger pang, but you are working at losing weight-
a.You eat something fattening and feel lousy
b.You drink some water then reward yourself for resisting and pat yourself on the back
Again, do you realize how many people I come across everyday that are thinking like b but act like a?
There is a great new book out by Dr.Wayne Dyer (favorite author by the way) called Pulling Your Own Strings. Okay, not a new book, it was originally published back in 1977, but you would marvel at how relevant it still is.
I am sure this will end up being a never-ending blog point for me since it bugs me so much all the time and I see it everywhere everyday.... but for now, my 2 cents.
I was taught, not by my parents necessarily, but nonetheless taught that a man is measured not by his means, money, appearance or the like, but rather by his word. Christians understand this best because they hold Jesus to his word. The words in the Bible for instance.
A man can have all the money, the fame, be the most attractive and more. However, if he is a shady liar, that is what he will be known for.
You don't get to have great friends or family in life without being someone whose word means something, for that is where character is born.
I, for one, would rather have someone honestly tell me they don't like my potato salad at a party, than to eat it in silent disgust with a sourpuss face and bad attitude. They, while forcing themselves to eat what they don't like will give off such a negative presence to me and everyone around that I will get the feeling that I don't want them around anyway. It may take that person months or years to come clean and tell me that all along it was the potato salad that kept us apart! Ugh.
Life can be so easy and importantly stress-free for the most part, if more people would just accept one another and show their true-selves. It is far easier to deal with the truth up-front when it happens, than years later when feelings get in the way.
In the above matter of a and b in those questions I asked, after some time you will find that the people who think like b but act like a, well, they are miserable. They spend too much energy trying to find excuses for why they can't be honest about what they are thinking or feeling that they drain the life out of themselves and lose the point to being here all together. If half the energy was spent being true to themselves, imagine how much happier we all could be.
Until next time,
Instilling Good Self-Esteem in Children
Self-esteem for children, is how they feel about themselves, the good and the bad. This is not one of the things that they gain on their own as they grow, it must be taught. Feelings are best shown when they talk about themselves, their things, toys and pets, friends and families. The largest influence on children is usually the parents and close family. These people are who teach and mold these little people into the adults you see walking around today.
When parents constantly 'put-down' their child, calling the child bad or stupid; whether on purpose, while mad or just by accident; this contributes to bad self-esteem that can continue to adulthood.
Sometimes parents are dominating in all areas, even while playing games with children so their is never any fair competition, the child always is left to feel inferior to the parent.
Telling children to always 'do their best' is fantastic, but make sure they also know that your love and acceptance is not tied to their being the best or perfect.
I have seen many instances where parents are influential with instilling confidence in their children. I would say the number one important factor is acceptance. When you show a child or even an adult that he/she is accepted exactly for whomever they are regardless of mistakes, it allows them to feel secure. Acceptance helps a child realize that mistakes will happen, they will fail and they will still be okay.
Another positive reinforcement technique is to let children have choices and make them as appropriate for their age level. For example, chores might be part of life in your household, but let them choose between emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming carpets. Giving them the tools to think on their own and decide what they want to do will serve two purposes. Children always perform better when doing what they want to and feel better about it and themselves.
Making it clear to children that they are accepted and loved for themselves, not for their performance and allowing them to make decisions over parts of their life teach them to love themselves and take pride in their failures and successes.
When you do the hard work of acceptance daily at home as a parent, you can strengthen your child's self-esteem and prepare him/her for the harsh reality of society. If you do not have a firm handle on your child's esteem you are in for a battle. Society is full of a style of negative thrashings upon children many are not ready for. Women especially are rated for hair color, size, intelligence, status and more. Unfair criticism is part of everyday life in the world outside the home. If you and your children are not steadfast in your beliefs and have instilled in each other self-esteem and acceptance, the battle will be long and hard, maybe even tragic.
Parents do a terrific job protecting their children physically from harm, but often are unaware of the importance of protecting their belief in themselves. Building a strong foundation withing a child will prevent them from using drugs, being swayed to do crimes and most importantly keep them safe from society-induced depression.
What can you do today? Find out what your child is interested in. Really. Could it be that train set of yours in the basement they keep 'getting into'. Instead of getting upset with them, help them get their own set. Help them develop their hobby or interest. Guide them, but give them room to grow. Whether it be trains, cars, dolls, books, comics, stamps, gardening, etc. it's a chance for bonding, acceptance and instilling value and worth in them. Trust me, they will respect you for it later.
When parents constantly 'put-down' their child, calling the child bad or stupid; whether on purpose, while mad or just by accident; this contributes to bad self-esteem that can continue to adulthood.
Sometimes parents are dominating in all areas, even while playing games with children so their is never any fair competition, the child always is left to feel inferior to the parent.
Telling children to always 'do their best' is fantastic, but make sure they also know that your love and acceptance is not tied to their being the best or perfect.
I have seen many instances where parents are influential with instilling confidence in their children. I would say the number one important factor is acceptance. When you show a child or even an adult that he/she is accepted exactly for whomever they are regardless of mistakes, it allows them to feel secure. Acceptance helps a child realize that mistakes will happen, they will fail and they will still be okay.
Another positive reinforcement technique is to let children have choices and make them as appropriate for their age level. For example, chores might be part of life in your household, but let them choose between emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming carpets. Giving them the tools to think on their own and decide what they want to do will serve two purposes. Children always perform better when doing what they want to and feel better about it and themselves.
Making it clear to children that they are accepted and loved for themselves, not for their performance and allowing them to make decisions over parts of their life teach them to love themselves and take pride in their failures and successes.
When you do the hard work of acceptance daily at home as a parent, you can strengthen your child's self-esteem and prepare him/her for the harsh reality of society. If you do not have a firm handle on your child's esteem you are in for a battle. Society is full of a style of negative thrashings upon children many are not ready for. Women especially are rated for hair color, size, intelligence, status and more. Unfair criticism is part of everyday life in the world outside the home. If you and your children are not steadfast in your beliefs and have instilled in each other self-esteem and acceptance, the battle will be long and hard, maybe even tragic.
Parents do a terrific job protecting their children physically from harm, but often are unaware of the importance of protecting their belief in themselves. Building a strong foundation withing a child will prevent them from using drugs, being swayed to do crimes and most importantly keep them safe from society-induced depression.
What can you do today? Find out what your child is interested in. Really. Could it be that train set of yours in the basement they keep 'getting into'. Instead of getting upset with them, help them get their own set. Help them develop their hobby or interest. Guide them, but give them room to grow. Whether it be trains, cars, dolls, books, comics, stamps, gardening, etc. it's a chance for bonding, acceptance and instilling value and worth in them. Trust me, they will respect you for it later.
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